kenaz

I drew kenaz this morning. A curious rune which typically means illumination, craft, skillful means. But its darker poems in history relate it also to ulcers and tumors. The reconciliation is found in a deeper function of kenaz which is shaping energy with thought. As such, it warns me today to be wary of whether I am shaping my thoughts with intention or whether my thoughts are shaping me, through moods and mechanical associations. One is a type of growth I do not wish to encourage.

flow as a cargo cult

I’m rethinking the whole “flow” bandwagon and construct.

I think it’s been appropriated by the performants.

That weird cult of meritocracy based entre-(pre)neural self-creators. Kind of like what they’ve done for mindfulness as a lubricant for better functioning business minds. Bleh.

Their “enablers” of flow state are: immersion in a task that’s challenging but not too challenging. This is a cargo cult byproduct of something deeper. That is: you wouldn’t need the artificial gravitas of a situational task to fix attention if your attention was not so fractured to begin with.

And to do mundane tasks, with full attention ala zen, has always been the gold standard of flow states. This immersion of the modern day flow junkies is not a being in the moment but a loss of a sense of time and self-awareness that sounds very similar to deep attachment. A zombie working state. Kind of the opposite of true mindfulness. And the “zone”, in high performance parlance, has been conflated with all of this in a sticky threesome.

End Games

How much time you figure before you will be playing your endgame?

Some of our relatives and friends are playing their endgames now. Some of us will play it suddenly with an unexpected diagnosis. Some will play it in a heartbeat in an accident.

For most this game is internal, though with some external signs.

For some it’s a strengthening of faith in something they believed, or wanted to believe, since they were a child and taught it was so. In the culture and belief they were raised in, usually.

For others it’s a realization of impermanence in a most personal way, and facing fear that those with faith in established answers deny: the fear of losing their very self. And that we may live on in someone’s memory, or through some legacy, is thin comfort. Because there will be no one to appreciate it. Yet it seems all materialism has to offer.

In others, more curious and more skeptical of accepting written records of long dead mapmakers, or the self-pity in losing an ego and material existence, the endgame is about trying to get a peek into the territory ahead. Trying to develop a few basic skills to navigate an unknown and practice through meditation what experiencing awareness can be without a self. And perhaps through dreams, magic and visions discover where paths enter the wilderness of the endgame and talk firsthand with beings there.

Three endgame strategies of no doubt many more. Yet I suspect it is a limited set of alternatives. What is your end game strategy?

april

outside, gray skies
gray streets
gray gradient dopplers of swooshing cars
inside same gray
excesses the night before
leaving ashes where motivation should lie
hate to leave on a gray wave
or gray way
how does one melt these pewter talismans down
their leaden enchantments
using a glowing splinter
taken from the paw
of a creature made of fire
which owes me a debt
as best I remember

the royal us

let go
limiting thoughts
gaslight thoughts
thoughts with measurements
thoughts of righteousness
thoughts of judgment
thoughts too small and too petty
Who. Cares?
Really.
Others give us about as much thought as we give them
Not collectively, individually
How much have you thought about person x?
even if person x is family or close friend
daily? how many minutes? a few seconds?
weekly? rarely? add it up
for those you love dearly, maybe hours
No matter
for many of us
perhaps all of us
we mostly think about us
to such relief!
usually nobody thinks that much about us
in particular
yet: we think everyone’s attention is obsessed with our
every move,
facial tic,
expression,
behavior,
reaction
well…
Dream on
…but make better dreams
…if you’re in the dreaming business
otherwise, let go of this self-importance
feel free to jump into the stream
of us taking nothing personally
the royal us

Housekeeping

Hypnotic talk from ze amazing founder of Gaia Sagrada in Ecuador. Christine manifested one of her visions: creating a spiritual retreat with incredibly skilled native shamans in an enchanted space with frick’in elf helpers.

This topic I’ve been working with lately. Cool synchronicity, I’m using this app. And creating checklists that remind me to trigger a pattern of checks and psychotechniques. Definitely topic for future post.