A Trip Report
Welcoming whatever arises. Whatever feeling. Then welcoming any thoughts about the feeling, any reactions to how it needs to be handled, then welcoming any thoughts or feelings about what it means to me. Personally. And when fully present for all of these, noting how or whether they are connected to needs for control, approval and ultimately security, fears of death. Then asking, “Can I let this go?” Because, of course I can. I’m what’s holding on. And then, “Would I let it go?” which is a reminder, a realization, that there’s a choice to hang onto something or not; it depends on my priorities. If my priority is freedom, then I choose to let it go. “When?” Now. And I’m left with what remains, if anything, and welcome what’s still there (and noticing how it has shifted), or what is arising anew. And there’s no real “doing” to this. It’s simply holding awareness and directing attention. Nothing to figure out.
This was an amazing flow in the psychedelic experience today; in that magical zone of neuroplasticity engendered, I learned a reorientation to my approach and assumptions about energies stuck in the soma. Before this, I’d always tried to “work” on stuck energies physically, expressing them in motion, movement, shaking, dancing, undulating. Breathing into tension, trying to relax. Longer exhales. I thought this was somatic “therapy” and a way to release. But it was merely a way to express or subtly resist, and not the same thing at all.
This time I lay perfectly still. Symmetrically aligned. Legs and arms uncrossed. And instead of resisting or finding some expression to re-channel, the medicine helped to accept it as is and feel into it with profound presence. Yes, this tightness in the throat, welcome. Yes, the thoughts I don’t want this to be here, I should fix it, relax or something, welcome. Yes, this worry what it might mean, maybe something physical, psychological, maybe serious, and behind it a fear of sickness, losing health, dying. Welcome. And… can I let this go? It’s just a feeling. Do I need to hold onto it? Will I let it go? Yes. Now. And then this rush of energy, release, tingling throughout my body. Amazing. Just from asking questions (which seems to be a skillful use of attention.) It was pretty much a continual mindful lowkey stream of whatever arose from then, no matter how choppy, as the body and spirit lightened with each tidal bore.
Once we open up to the flow of energy within our body, we can also open up to the flow of energy in the universe. -Wilhelm Reich
A story, I believe from Rumi, about the nature of a good host is to greet each guest as they arrive. Not to follow them into the home, then you’d be absent for those presenting.
