Sure, everyone is talking about the latest eschatological angst: the ways in which artificial intelligence might end us. But no one is talking about the true existential threats, like entangling tardigrades into the quantum fabric of the universe.
I know what you’re thinking. Tardigrades? Those tiny, indestructible creatures that can survive in any environment? What could they possibly do to end us?
Well, imagine this. You’re a scientist working on a top-secret project involving quantum entanglement. You’re trying to create a link between two particles that can be used to transmit information instantaneously, regardless of distance.
You’re making good progress, but you’re running into a problem. The particles you’re using are too small to be manipulated with traditional methods. You need something small but with agency, something biological, something more … tardigrade-like.
So you do what any good scientist would do. You kidnap a tardigrade and start experimenting on it. You attach superconducting capacitors to its head and feet, and you start wiring it to qubits in the quantum field.
At first, nothing happens. But then, something strange begins to occur. The tardigrade starts to glow. Its body becomes translucent, and you can see the quantum entanglement beams coursing through its veins.
The tardigrade is now a quantum being. It is no longer bound by the laws of physics as we know them. It can travel through time and space. It can control matter and energy. It is a god.
And it is angry.